When I should be Happy

I guess I should be happy today. I woke up late, had brunch and coffee while finish reading Mishima's Forbidden Colours. At the same time I was chatting with friends and listening to Kings of Convenience. Great, isn't it? But while doing all that I felt extremely lonely.

I sometimes feel surrounded by people, and yet lonely. I know I have found some great friends this last months (with some of them some shit has happened, but... yet we hang around a lot), I go out a lot, and try to enjoy. Like yesterday, I went to Kyoto with some friends, we walked around and enjoyed the beauty and magic of a very vibrating and lively city. We walked through many alleys that made us feel like going back in time, dark alleys cramped with bars and people. After walking around we got tired and entered an italian bar and restaurant,  where there was in the entrance a Mapuche symbol which made me crazy happy since my old boyfriend had Mapuche blood (Mapuche is one native tribe in South America and it is famous for its war and resistance techniques against the spanish, it is a warrior tribe). Were sitting in a very Oshare lounge (or stylish in japanese) it was fun, we talked a lot, enjoyed the place and the company of each other, and drunk Cabernet Sauvignon (Las Condes, which actually surprised me, since that is the name of the neighborhood  I was raised back home in Chile).

I wish I could be more happy and grateful for all the amazing experiences I live everyday and for the amazing people that surrounds me. Nevertheless, I feel extremely lonely and while listening Build up of King of Convenience I felt like shedding some tears of bitterness and happiness. I think it is quite ironic that in spite of having so many opportunities and a good life, I feel so down and sad.

I hope this feelings that absorb me disappear soon and that I can start fully enjoying my life once again.

I will strive and work the hardest possible to stop feeling this shit and I will do my best in everything I do again. I must not let these feelings take control over me.